The best way to do well in your English exam is to know what you are doing and whether you are doing it right. So these 2 weeks you will be learning to do self-checks when writing and doing your comprehension and summary.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Comments on Speech Situation Writing Practice
O levels 2010 Mark range is between 16 to 22 marks with the most common grade being 19 marks.
Here are the comments I have for this exercise:
Task fulfillment
1. Some students forgot to elaborate on how to organize the fund raising event. You should devote one paragraph to this since it is explicitly stated in the question as part of the task.
2. Most of you managed to get the tone correct and were generally quite persuasive as you made reference to the victims of the natural disaster being in grave need of extra funds from the Red Cross Society.
3. One key error is that you are making a speech to convince your committee members to support your preferred option of the two suggestions that have already been made. In other words, you did not spend time specifically "brainstorming:" to come up with the two ideas. Rather, it was a case of you seriously considering and weighing the pros and cons of the 2 options and then deciding on one of the options.
Elaboration of ideas
1. In terms of ideas for elaboration, both choices could have been slightly better elaborated upon.
Here are some ideas on who this could be done.
Sale of student art work
1. For the sale of student art work idea, it could be potentially a good idea if the type of art mediums is adequately wide. For instance besides water colours and oil paintings, there could also be ceramic works and pottery as well as installation art work.
2. To market the art work sale, the organisers would need to reach out to a target audience of people who can appreciate art and this could be done by collaborating with some of the art galleries who could be convinced to do a good deed by helping to publicise the event on their websites and to send email blasts to their customer database. This could help position the art gallery as not only being interested in making profits but also in assisting in raising money for a good cause. This would improve the corporate image of the art gallery and hence they would be willing to participate in helping to publicise the sale of student art work event.
3. The school could also contact their alumni who are already working and a number are professional and so they may be exposed to different art genres and hence they are more likely to purchase a piece of art work not only for a good cause but also be able to appreciate their aesthetics of the piece.
Food and fun fair
1. This was better elaborated upon. However, students could also improve on the ideas and language used.
2. To lower the cost of organizing the event, the committee would have to approach companies for sponsorship of ingredients or food products for the food stalls to cook and sell and to seek donations from companies so that the money can used to pay for the material used for the games stalls and to set up the tents needed to provide shelter from the sun and rain since part of the fair would be held outdoors.
Introduction and endings.
Most students did a good job and had read the notes beforehand. So this was encouraging. For a couple of you who did not end the speech well, it is definitely as case of you not referring to the notes and putting in the effort.
Grammar
There were some subject verb agreement and tense errors but far less than in previous exercises. Some students also tended to make such errors while others had very few such errors. Overall , the improvement has been significant. Keep up the good work.
Here are the comments I have for this exercise:
Task fulfillment
1. Some students forgot to elaborate on how to organize the fund raising event. You should devote one paragraph to this since it is explicitly stated in the question as part of the task.
2. Most of you managed to get the tone correct and were generally quite persuasive as you made reference to the victims of the natural disaster being in grave need of extra funds from the Red Cross Society.
3. One key error is that you are making a speech to convince your committee members to support your preferred option of the two suggestions that have already been made. In other words, you did not spend time specifically "brainstorming:" to come up with the two ideas. Rather, it was a case of you seriously considering and weighing the pros and cons of the 2 options and then deciding on one of the options.
Elaboration of ideas
1. In terms of ideas for elaboration, both choices could have been slightly better elaborated upon.
Here are some ideas on who this could be done.
Sale of student art work
1. For the sale of student art work idea, it could be potentially a good idea if the type of art mediums is adequately wide. For instance besides water colours and oil paintings, there could also be ceramic works and pottery as well as installation art work.
2. To market the art work sale, the organisers would need to reach out to a target audience of people who can appreciate art and this could be done by collaborating with some of the art galleries who could be convinced to do a good deed by helping to publicise the event on their websites and to send email blasts to their customer database. This could help position the art gallery as not only being interested in making profits but also in assisting in raising money for a good cause. This would improve the corporate image of the art gallery and hence they would be willing to participate in helping to publicise the sale of student art work event.
3. The school could also contact their alumni who are already working and a number are professional and so they may be exposed to different art genres and hence they are more likely to purchase a piece of art work not only for a good cause but also be able to appreciate their aesthetics of the piece.
Food and fun fair
1. This was better elaborated upon. However, students could also improve on the ideas and language used.
2. To lower the cost of organizing the event, the committee would have to approach companies for sponsorship of ingredients or food products for the food stalls to cook and sell and to seek donations from companies so that the money can used to pay for the material used for the games stalls and to set up the tents needed to provide shelter from the sun and rain since part of the fair would be held outdoors.
Introduction and endings.
Most students did a good job and had read the notes beforehand. So this was encouraging. For a couple of you who did not end the speech well, it is definitely as case of you not referring to the notes and putting in the effort.
Grammar
There were some subject verb agreement and tense errors but far less than in previous exercises. Some students also tended to make such errors while others had very few such errors. Overall , the improvement has been significant. Keep up the good work.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Expository Non-fiction writing notes
Non-Fiction Writing
(a)
Structures for non-fiction writing.
The structure of the essay depends on the question being asked of you. So depending on the
question, the essay could be in the form of:
1. Causes and consequences
2. 5Ws and 1H (Who, what,where, when,why, how)
3. Pros and Cons/Advantages and Disadvantages
4. Compare and Contrast
5. Straightforward explanations
The structure of the essay depends on the question being asked of you. So depending on the
question, the essay could be in the form of:
1. Causes and consequences
2. 5Ws and 1H (Who, what,where, when,why, how)
3. Pros and Cons/Advantages and Disadvantages
4. Compare and Contrast
5. Straightforward explanations
Note: If you are writing a single word essay e.g. "Power" as an argumentative or expository essay, you can actually choose any of the above structures.
(b)
Example: Tell me about your ideal home OR Given the limited land available in Singapore, is it wise to set aside some areas as nature reserves?
General Structure for writing an exposition
NB: The topic sentence is linked to the thesis statement as the topic sentence is an extension of the idea or statement in the thesis statement. You should target about 5 paragraphs for your essay.
General Structure for writing an exposition
NB: The topic sentence is linked to the thesis statement as the topic sentence is an extension of the idea or statement in the thesis statement. You should target about 5 paragraphs for your essay.
Part of essay
|
What goes in
|
Remarks
|
Introduction
|
Thesis statement/Stand
Definition of key terms Hook: Startling fact or statistic |
|
The body paragraphs
2-3 paragraphs
|
Topic sentence
Elaboration
Examples that support the elaboration
|
Topic sentence is always linked to the Thesis statement.
|
Topic sentence
Elaboration
Examples that support the elaboration
|
||
Topic sentence
Elaboration
Examples that support the elaboration
|
||
Conclusion
|
Restate thesis statement
Proverb/rhetorical question that leaves people thinking
|
b) Anatomy of a non-fiction essay
- Introduction
- Provide an attention grabber
-
Give
a startling fact
-
A
statistic
-
A rhetorical
question
-
An
“imagine this” scenario
- Thesis Statement. The thesis statement can come in different formats:
(2) State in summary what the rest of your essay will be elaborating on.
How to elaborate
To elaborate logically, practice some self-questioning with regards to the topic sentence. For instance: How does canoeing open up a whole new world to you? What are some of the activities you will indulge in as a direct result of canoeing? What are the benefits of such outdoor activities? How will the person be feeling when he engages in such outdoor activities? Why will the person feel different after engaging in such activities?
Examples
Example 1: In conclusion, teenagers can make take steps to save the environment and there are many initiatives which they can undertake to save Mother Earth. If we as the future generation do not take up this responsibility to save the world as we know it, then who will?
Question: Choosing a career is one of the most important decisions to be made in life. What factors will affect your choice?
Stand: The factors which will affect my choice for a career would be whether it can earn me a decent living and whether I have an interest and passion for the career.
- Link sentence
E.g. Allow me to explain.
- Body of the essay can be written in the following structures
-
Pros
and cons
-
5Ws
and 1H (Usually focusing on reasons – Why and How)
-
Classification
-
Causes
and Consequences
Again, if you are faced with a single word essay, your essay can be written in any of the above format.
For example:
"Marriage" ( O Level 2005)
For example:
"Marriage" ( O Level 2005)
- Pros and cons (of marriage)
- 5Ws and 1H (Usually focusing on reasons – Why and How) - (Why people get married. How people get married. Where and when do people get married.)
- Classification - Types of marriages ( You may even want to say that some people are "married" to their jobs or "married" to their cars. There are also arranged marriages between people and marriages or convenience)
- Causes and Consequences - (The causes(why) of marriage and the consequences(outcome) of marriage.)
How to elaborate
To elaborate logically, practice some self-questioning with regards to the topic sentence. For instance: How does canoeing open up a whole new world to you? What are some of the activities you will indulge in as a direct result of canoeing? What are the benefits of such outdoor activities? How will the person be feeling when he engages in such outdoor activities? Why will the person feel different after engaging in such activities?
- Conclusion
-
Begin
your last paragraph with either: In
conclusion…. or to conclude…..
-
Restate
your stand/thesis statement/choice made
-
Leave
the audience thinking about your writing/speech. End off with a saying/idiom or
a point to ponder that is connected to the issue. [ Where applicable]
o
Use a
proverb that is connected to the issue being discussed
o
Use a
thought-provoking question.
o
A
though provoking statement.
Examples
Example 1: In conclusion, teenagers can make take steps to save the environment and there are many initiatives which they can undertake to save Mother Earth. If we as the future generation do not take up this responsibility to save the world as we know it, then who will?
Example 2: In conclusion, power is indeed
both a boon and a bane – when used wisely it can bring great benefit to mankind
but when misused it can bring great pain and suffering. Someone once said that
with great power comes great responsibility, I cannot be wholeheartedly agree with this statement.
- Model of an expository essay
Question:
Think of a sporting activity which you greatly enjoy. Explain how you took up
the sport and what are some of it benefits.
Introduction
Para 1
.
|
A sporting activity that I enjoy very much is canoeing.
A canoe appears to be nothing more than a small boat made of fiberglass
with a deceptively simple design and appearance.
However, the Canadian film maker, Bill Manson, described it as the
simplest most functional, yet aesthetically pleasing object ever created. I
soon discovered that a canoe is more than a means of getting from point to
point.
Who would ever have thought that such basic technology was capable of carrying a person from the modern world of stress to places of astonishing physical, mental and spiritual freedom?
I have had many good experiences with the sport of canoeing
and I have personally experienced the benefits it can bring in terms of
spiritual renewal, the life skills it has taught me, its ability to relieve
mental stress and how it can help turn the outdoors into a living
classroom.
|
Thesis
statement
of key issue
Starling/Surprising fact or information. Thought-provoking question. Thesis statement
(States all the
key points that you will cover in the body of your essay/or your viewpoint on an issue)
|
Body
Para 2
|
Like everyone
else, I had to go through the learning curve at first: that is to say,
I started off thinking canoeing was easy – just sit in the canoe and paddle,
nothing to it – only to discover that my canoe banged the banks of the placid
steams and zig-zagged across the lake in a most frustrating manner. I had to
learn the basic strokes that enable the canoeists to keep a straight line –
and in the required direction. Once I had learnt these basics, my canoe
responded swiftly to the merest flick of the paddle.
|
Topic Sentence(
Must be in line with thesis statement)
Elaboration
Examples that
support the Thesis Statement.
|
Para 3
|
On my first canoeing holiday, I discovered that canoeing is more
than a means of getting from place to place: it is a healthy, harmonious
way of life. The Chinese poet and philosopher, Lao-Tzu, write about
attaining a state of grace by “going with the flow” and that is literally
what a canoeist does. When a finely crafted canoe is under way, it slices
through the water with little or no resistance, supported by the very medium
through which it travels. Before long, the canoeist feels connected to his
boat, that it is part of him, like an extension of his body. The rhythmic
canoe stroke, repeated thousands of times during a long day of canoeing
induces a relaxed almost trance kike state. When performed correctly using
the large back, shoulder and stomach muscles, the canoe stoke is not only a
healthy exercise but is can be done hour after hour, day after day. The
cadence induces steady, measured breathing, which in turn relaxes the body
and releases the mind, freeing it to wander at will.
In calm weather, the canoe seems to fly across the water. On bright
days, the surface mirrors the sky, and it feels as if you are flying through
the heavens. When the water either very shallow or very clear, you feel the elation
of being suspended between earth and sky.
|
Topic Sentence(
Must be in line with thesis statement)
Elaboration and
explanation with examples that support the Thesis Statement.
|
Para 4
|
Not all days are like this, though, and every canoeist has to
face his share of headwinds and storms. On blustery days, an experienced paddlers
uses mind and muscle to outwit the elements. He seeks out and takes advantage
of whatever shelter he can find, altering his course to paddle in the less of
islands and points that block the wind. Canoeing on stormy days requires
sharp strategy, good planning and solid execution. Ironically paddling in inclement
weather may offer the greatest relief from everyday cares, for when
thrusting and parrying the wind and waves, fighting for every metre, you are
immersed in the here and now. There is no room for thought save for the task
at hand.
|
Topic Sentence(
Must be in line with thesis statement)
Elaboration and
explanation with examples that support the Thesis Statement.
|
Para 5
|
Rapids also provide detachment form tension, since the
sensation of quick, light motion on swift-moving water is exhilarating; You
feel weightlessness, free fall and flight. Time seems to stand still as the
canoeist focuses on negotiating one tricky manoeuvre after another. Just as
important as the physical and mental benefits of canoeing are the spiritual
benefit of being free to wander and explore wherever your imagination leads
you. Using only essential and timeless paddling and camping skills, canoeist
has unlimited freedom and range. Following ancient wilderness waterways
leading away from the stresses of modern life, the canoeist enters a natural realm
where time is measured not by the clock but by the sun’s slow transit
across the sky. Where the slow pace of human-powered motion makes the world
seem larger and more astonishing, where communication is face-to-face rather
than by email or text massage.
|
Topic Sentence(
Must be in line with thesis statement)
Elaboration and
explanation with examples that support the TS.
|
Para 6
|
In addition, canoeing can open up whole new worlds of activity
for people, such as water-color painting, wolf-howling, canoeing
building, wilderness first aid, forest identification, nature photography and
white-water rodeo. The outdoors becomes the classroom for the canoeist
willing to set of the search of exciting, unique and enriching outdoor
experiences, seeing the world in a different light. Canoeists can travel the
world in search of new experiences. Those used to lazily watching
white-tailed tropic birds soar overhead might go to Canada to rivers and
lily-filled bays of the flat-water lakes as they watch out for majestic
Canadian Mammals. Families can enjoy family adventure packages, led by the
most experienced wilderness guides, which combine family fun, safety and
incredible beauty. A world of family adventure can be opened up by a canoeing
holiday.
|
Topic Sentence(
Must be in line with thesis statement)
Elaboration and
explanation with
examples that
support the TS.
|
Conclusion
Para 7
|
In conclusion, the
benefits of canoeing are boundless. I myself have discovered the many joys
which canoeing can bring. So why not pick up that paddle and start launching
a canoe too?
|
A simple
conclusion that invites the readers to take up the challenge.
|
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Notes on Narrative fiction writing
(A)
Overview
1. There are 2 parts to Paper 1 and Section One is a free writing section that requires you to write an essay of between 350 to 500 words.
1. There are 2 parts to Paper 1 and Section One is a free writing section that requires you to write an essay of between 350 to 500 words.
(B)
Preparation - Months before
1. FW book/file: Have a free-writing preparations booklet or
file. Choose several story lines you wish to write on. These should be
sufficiently flexible to adapt to most stories. Draft these story lines into your
free-writing book/file and share them with your teacher.
2. Practice & structure: Practise writing your essays
from your 10-year series or workbook. Use the fiction structures taught to you
as the skeleton to craft your story lines. [See later]
3. Word banks: Prepare vocabulary that will support your
writing. This means looking at your various story-lines and building up the
depth of vocabulary needed for each stage of writing. For instance if your
story line contains description of places or people for the introduction, make
sure you build up vocabulary to do describe this. Your characters or settings
can always be similar despite different story titles. If your plot involves an
accident or medical procedure then your vocabulary must be built up in these
areas. All in all you would have to build 8 or more word banks of between 40 to
50 idioms, phrases and words each.
4. How to begin: Decide on a setting and theme for your
writing. If you are passionate about outdoor adventure, then you can always set
your story in the context of trekking, fishing or kayaking. If you wish to
write about love and romance, then look up and learn words linked to these
areas such as how you would describe the emotions associated with being in love.
5. Read
with a purpose: When you read you may encounter words and phrases of two
types, those that you know and those that you do not. For those which you are
uncertain of, check up the meanings. Then decide amongst all that you have
read, what you would like to use in your essays based on whether it helps
support your story line ideas.
6. Have a
thesaurus ready: A thesaurus helps you to uncover different ways of saying
something. This will help you to uncover
(C)
Types of questions
1. Single word
1. Single word
a.
Fiction or non-fiction is possible.
b.
For fiction, the issue must
permeate all aspects of the story or must be central to the storyline.
c.
Think broadly for the single
word essay as to how you would weave the single word into the storyline to make
it central. Someone who reads the story must get the sense of the usage of the
single word as the main lynchpin of the essay.
d.
For example: Power [ 2009 O
Levels]
A story line about a character who abuses power and this leads to the suffering of others and to his/her eventual downfall is a possible storyline but there are so many other possibilities. For instance, power can be written as stories woven around how powerful love can be or how powerful a kind act was because it changed the lives of others in a positive way.
A story line about a character who abuses power and this leads to the suffering of others and to his/her eventual downfall is a possible storyline but there are so many other possibilities. For instance, power can be written as stories woven around how powerful love can be or how powerful a kind act was because it changed the lives of others in a positive way.
2. Recount
a. An
occasion/situation when one’s actions (Cause) Ã led to a situational change (Complication) Ã Sequence of events (Consequences)
b. Be very clear that
the cause in question will be the complication of the story and the
consequence is the sequence of events that will lead to the climax which
is resolved at the resolution.
c. Examples
Write about how a serious accident [Complication and sequence of events] led to an area being made safer for those who work or live there.[Resolution]
Write about how a serious accident [Complication and sequence of events] led to an area being made safer for those who work or live there.[Resolution]
Write about a
time when your late arrival for a particular meeting or event [Complication]
led to serious trouble [Sequence of events/climax/resolution].
(D) Structures for
fiction writing
(i) Introduction
(i) Introduction
|
Types of introductions
|
Example
|
Language feature /grammar
|
|
Character
[Taken from Catherine Lim’s short story collection “Little Ironies”]
|
Half-uncle was someone the bondmaids hated, for his utterly repulsive
appearance and his sly ways. He was a thin, dry man with dirty teeth that he
was continually picking and sucking on.
|
Adjectives for describing physical attributes
|
|
Action
An introduction with an action sequence for a story entitled “Power”.
The rest of the story tells of how a young man meets his eventual end because
of his association with gangs OR how he chose a different path in “Heroes”.
|
Kim Seng ran as fast as his legs could carry him
through the dark and dingy alley. His heart was thumping hard he sped past
bags of garbage and trash cans strewn across his path. His pursuers were
relentless and hot on his heels. He could hear the heavy pounding of their
feet behind him. Less than a few metres ahead of him was a high fence. He
realised that he had run into a dead end – a cul de sac. He felt for the
dagger strapped to his chest, whipped it out and spun round in anticipation
for a fight to the death. There was no one. His pursuers had disappeared into
the night as quickly as they had appeared.
|
Verbs/
Adverbs
|
|
Dialogue
A story which revolves round 2 down and out house mates who strike it
rich at a lottery and how it changed their lives.
“Power”
“Flight”
“Dreams”
|
“Ah Seng, look at this!” exclaimed Boon Hui as he tugged at Kimmy Tan
Ah Seng’s T-shirt excitedly, “We’ve….we’ve…”
“What are you muttering about? I’m trying to sleep. You know I was on
night shift! Go bother someone else!” Protested Ah Seng as he pushed his
house mate away and covered his head with his pillow.
“We’ve won….we’ve won!” cried Boon Hui who was unable to contain his
happiness any further, “We’ve won the lottery!”
|
Speech Marks/
Punctuation for dialogue/Different ways of expressing “say”.
|
|
Flash back
A flashback style introduction for the essay “Marriage”.
|
Coco’s fingers trembled as she typed in the
website address and hesitated for a moment before hitting the enter key. As
the website loaded, she gazed blankly at the computer screen that starting
filling up with a multitude of photos. The strains of Pachelbel’s Canon in D
could soon be hear and tears started to well in her eyes as her gaze fell on pictures
of herself and her then fiancée, Abel. These images caused a flood of
memories to return and transported her back to the events of that fateful
weekend 3 years ago.
|
Adjectives/verbs/adverbs
|
|
Setting/Scene
An opening scene for an essay entitled “Heroes” and “Power”.
|
A lazy breeze caressed Ebenezer’s sunburnt face
as he looked keenly across the horizon. The sea shimmered like diamonds as
light danced and skipped across the tranquil sea in the late afternoon sun,
reflecting off Ebenezer’s sunglasses. In the distance, a lone sea eagle
hovered majestically overhead, drifting effortlessly in the shifting wind.
“What a quiet afternoon.” Ebenezer thought to himself as he looked at his
watch to see if his shift was over for lifeguard duty.
|
Adjectives focusing on places to create atmosphere and lighting.
e.g. Seaside, busy mall or commercial area, performance area for a
concert.
|
(ii) The body [Complication + sequence of events + climax]
1. Made up of 4 or more paragraphs and consisting of:
- Complication (1 paragraph)
- Sequence of events (3 paragraphs)
- The climax is woven into the last body paragraph
v Complication/problem:
what caused the series of actions to take place.
a. For example: In a story about how one pulled through a serious medical problem, the complication is when the illness was first diagnosed.
b. The complication can be signalled using language features like “Without warning” and “Suddenly”, “In a cruel twist”.
c. Spend a paragraph explaining how the complication came about.
d. The complication should be closely tied to the essay title. For instance, in the story entitled “Dreams”, the complication could be the opening of the integrated resorts which the main character who is a gambling addict had been looking forward to.
a. For example: In a story about how one pulled through a serious medical problem, the complication is when the illness was first diagnosed.
b. The complication can be signalled using language features like “Without warning” and “Suddenly”, “In a cruel twist”.
c. Spend a paragraph explaining how the complication came about.
d. The complication should be closely tied to the essay title. For instance, in the story entitled “Dreams”, the complication could be the opening of the integrated resorts which the main character who is a gambling addict had been looking forward to.
v Sequence
of events
a. This tells us how the story progresses from the start of the complication.
b. Elaboration should be based on asking the 5 Ws and 1 H. To elaborate simply building complex sentences out of simple SV structure sentences by adding time, place adverbials and adjectival phrases.
E.g. The cars drove down the road.
The red cars, which were owned by Mr Sim(Adjectival), raced down the narrow winding (What?) road that snaked through the city’s backstreets(Where?) at top speed(How?).
a. This tells us how the story progresses from the start of the complication.
b. Elaboration should be based on asking the 5 Ws and 1 H. To elaborate simply building complex sentences out of simple SV structure sentences by adding time, place adverbials and adjectival phrases.
E.g. The cars drove down the road.
The red cars, which were owned by Mr Sim(Adjectival), raced down the narrow winding (What?) road that snaked through the city’s backstreets(Where?) at top speed(How?).
Climax
The climax is the point of highest tension in the story and the story can end differently depending on how the climax ends:
iii) The resolution
& conclusion
Suggested approaches to end a story.
Suggested approaches to end a story.
1. A happy /uplifting ending with a moral or proverb
The sun was setting
across Singapore’s Central Business District as Xue Ting gazed out of the
window of her new 60th floor office. As she looked across the
Singapore River, she realised the weight of responsibility resting on her
shoulders. She heard a voice from behind her and turned around. “With great
power comes great responsibility,” It was Mr Kim her mentor. She smiled and
could not agree more. It would now be a new dawn of change at Kim Seng
Corporation.
2. Painful/sad ending/Relief from pain
John’s body was riddled with needle marks from his years of drug abuse. He no longer had the strength to move a muscle as he lay on the ground in a heap. He thought of his mother and the happier moments of his childhood. He could feel that lightness of being returning to him as he slowly drifted away in a deep slumber.
John’s body was riddled with needle marks from his years of drug abuse. He no longer had the strength to move a muscle as he lay on the ground in a heap. He thought of his mother and the happier moments of his childhood. He could feel that lightness of being returning to him as he slowly drifted away in a deep slumber.
3. Last words of the character
Jill cradled Jun Eng in her arms as he gasped for breath. Her tears trickled down her cheeks and mixed with the warm blood which covered his crimson lips. Jun Eng struggled to speak, “Jill…I love you.” In his death, he had given life to the one he loved the most.
Jill cradled Jun Eng in her arms as he gasped for breath. Her tears trickled down her cheeks and mixed with the warm blood which covered his crimson lips. Jun Eng struggled to speak, “Jill…I love you.” In his death, he had given life to the one he loved the most.
(E) Analysis of a sample essay
Read the essay below and the following:
1. Identify the grammatical features such as
- tenses used
- subject-verb agreements
- punctuation for dialogue
Read the essay below and the following:
1. Identify the grammatical features such as
- tenses used
- subject-verb agreements
- punctuation for dialogue
Take note of wider
range of verbs and adverbs used as well as idioms. Look at the sentence
structures and identify the subject in each sentence. Can you recognise the
various SV structures?
2. Take note of various parts of the narrative –
the type of introduction, the complication, sequence of events, the climax and
the resolution by highlighting them in the passage.
3. Can you think of several single word essay
titles that may be suitable for the above story? How could the story be
appropriately adjusted to ensure that the story matches the title?
Notice that you cannot use this story line in its
entirety for all essays but the themes of “the military”, “punishment and
suffering” and “anger” can be used to answer a wider array of questions.
|
Structure and approach
|
Write
about a time when your late arrival for a particular meeting or event led to
serious trouble. (GCE O Level Nov 2006 Paper 1 Section One)
|
Language used
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Setting/Scene
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Introduction
The sun shone brightly overhead and I could hear
nothing except for the drone of insects as I lay in the tall grass with my
rifle next to me. This was yet another day at Officer Cadet School where I
had already spent the last six months and was soon moving onto the last phase
of my military training to become an army officer. I flicked the safety catch
of my M-16 to the “fire” mode and strained my eyes to see if there was any
movement ahead of me. The sun had suddenly hid behind a thick blanket of
cloud and this gave me some reprieve from the searing afternoon heat. I
peered at my wrist watch which showed that it was just after two in the
afternoon. Suddenly, I saw my platoon leader give the signal for us to charge
forward. In a flash, twelve men in camouflage uniforms poured forward with
their rifles blazing, accompanied by the familiar “rat-tat-tat” of
multi-purpose machine gun fire from the adjacent hill.
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Tenses: Past tense
Verbs/imperatives Adverbs Complex sentences Subject-verb agreements |
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Introduction
of a key character
Complication
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“Exercise
cut!” shouted our instructors and it wasn’t long before we were picking up
all the loose bullet cartridges that had fallen amongst the grass and dirt.
Following this, we were to be head back to camp
for an important lecture by our company commander, Major Tan Swa Kow who was
also known by his nickname ‘Mountain Dog’ because of his ruggedness and
uncanny ability to march long distances with little food or water. He was
also a man with little patience and he had an extremely short fuse. On a
previous occasion, he had woken the entire rifle company at three o’clock in
the morning to share with us his marital woes. That evening, he was drunk and
had just had a serious quarrel with his wife. As he apparently needed someone
to talk to, he decided to assemble us at the parade square for this purpose.
Perhaps he was disappointed with our gradual loss of interest in his plight
and so we were soon made to run around the obstacle course till we collapsed
from exhaustion for not showing him the necessary “care and concern” when he
most needed it.
Suddenly, I heard Jin Kiang, my buddy’s desperate voice,
“Frank…Frank… I think I’ve lost my
rifle magazine!”
The frantic look at Jing Kiang’s face said it
all. A lost rifle magazine meant at least a month in the military lock-up and
probably an end to Jin Kiang’s dreams of becoming an officer. As the rest of
the platoon was packing up and preparing to trudge back to camp, I informed
the instructors of Jin Kiang’s situation and I was asked to search the area
with him till the magazine was found.
“Don’t even think of coming back to
camp if you don’t find it!”My instructor reminded me sternly.
The rest of the platoon began to trudge back to
base for their meeting with the company commander while we continued to
desperately look for the lost magazine. We were certainly going to be late
for the lecture and we knew that the consequences would be dire for us.
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Sequence of events
Late for event/meeting
Serious trouble
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After half and hour of scouring the
entire hill-top, we fortuitously found the rifle magazine partially hidden
near a tree which Jin Kiang had been lying near. The magazine must have
slipped out of his Skeleton Battle Order as he lay there for cover. Immediately,
we ran as fast as our legs could carry us back to the camp gate. By the time
we reached the sprawling parade square where the company commander’s lecture
was held, we were completely out of breath. I glanced at my wrist watch. We
were already forty-five minutes late! As we turned the corner into the parade
square, Jin Kiang and I were greeted by the sight of the entire rifle company
in a push-up position.
Then the usual refrain from our
company commander came as he muttered sarcastically,
“Gentlemen. What can I say?”
This was followed by a string of
expletives in Hokkien, a Chinese dialect commonly spoken in Singapore. Later,
he announced to the entire Company that Jin Kiang’s carelessness and the fact
that we were late for his lecture had brought this terrible misfortune upon
the entire company. I was to later learn that my Company mates had been in
the push-up position for the last thirty minutes! The burning surface of the
parade square’s rough tarmac were causing excruciating pain to the men’s
palms. We were initially disallowed to join in the punishment that was being
meted out as Major Tan wanted us to watch the process of the punishment and
to reflect upon our mistakes.
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Sequence
of events
Serious
trouble
Climax
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However, the real punishment was soon to begin.
There were eight lamp-posts at the perimeter of the parade square which were
numbered one to eight and one of our instructors explained in a booming voice
that when he called out a sequence of eight numbers, we were to run with our
rifles over our heads from where we were to the appropriate lamp-post and
then back to the centre of the parade square before running to the next
lamp-post in the correct sequence till all eight numbers were completed. The
entire company did this several times and every time we got the sequence
wrong, we had to repeat it from the beginning again. Jin Kiang and I were
soon ordered to join in and I could not recall how many times we had to run
from lamp-post to lamp-post as my mind was swirling after an hour of non-stop
exertion. When our Company Commander was finally satisfied that he had
inflicted the appropriate punishment for our misdemeanours, we got back into
our rank and file. By then, we were drenched with sweat and completely drained
by the heat that seemed to envelop us from all round.
“Two weeks ago, some of you were disinterested in
listening to me share about the problems I was having with my wife!” Major
Tan barked.
He then smiled sadistically to himself before
continuing, “Today, I finally have your full attention.” His smile then
melted away as he began sharing with us his personal woes that included his
marital and financial problems and his disdain for most things in life – in
particular for people who are late. His tone then changed when he spoke about
the army. It was a tone filled with pride and words laced with praise rolled
off his tongue easily. He waxed lyrical about the first time he fired a rifle
and how the was felt intoxicated by the smell of fresh gunpowder. He shared
of his first overseas training in the jungles of South-east Asia and how the
sound of live ammunition buzzing in the air around him made his adrenalin
pump. He spoke of the pomp and pageantry of military parades and of bygone
days when military uniforms had to be starched till they could stand on their
own. Like a man possessed, he rattled on, while the searing heat began to
take its toll. Several of my Company mates promptly collapsed in a heap and were
duly taken away by a waiting military ambulance for medical attention. Major
Tan appeared to be oblivious to all this as he rattled on.
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Resolution
Conclusion
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After what seemed like eternity, Major Tan
finally concluded his “lecture” and he informed us that he felt much better
after sharing with us his problems and about his fervent, if not fanatical
love for the armed forces. In an almost fatherly voice, he left instructions
with the platoon commanders to dismiss us immediately for dinner before he
drove off hurriedly in his military jeep, apparently comforted by our
willingness to offer our “undivided” attention this time around. Suddenly,
the bugle sounded for day’s flag-lowering and everyone turned to face the
flag-posts. As the last bugle note echoed across the parade square, we heaved
a sigh of relief, knowing that our day’s ordeal had finally come to a close.
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Comprehension Answers
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| Bedouins at their camp |
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| Herding their goats and sheep |
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| A family at their tent |
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| An example of a Bedouin tent |
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| A Bedouin meal |
Clementi Woods Secondary School MYE 2013
Comprehension Answers
1a) The
word is “Trail”.
1b) This is because the lifestyle of the Bedouins was always depicted as being filled with freedom and danger as they roamed the desert while dressed in long-flowing desert garb and they seemed to be living an existence that was quite extraordinary/the writer is fascinated by their lifestyle.
2) Answer: The dominant reason was the absence of rain for long periods of time/years of drought.
3) That it is very dry and arid/does not rain/there is no water in the desert.
4) I understand this to mean that the number of sheep in the flock owned by Bedouin is an indication of how well-off/wealthy the Bedouin is.
DO NOT REPEAT WORDS OR PART OF PHRASES USED IN THE PASSAGE: e.g. Size of herd; economic standing.
5) “Both time and place lose all meaning” means that people who are in the area called the valley of the moon find the scenery so spectacular and beautiful that they are completely captivated and enchanted and they forget everything/all else.
6) He was please as he hoped to break some cultural barriers and learn as much as possible about the Bedouin way of life/ learn first-hand about the how the Bedouins live
7)
a) The word tells me that the fog is thick/visibility in the fog is poor.
b) The 2
reasons are that the pageant lasted more than nine days with the animals being
paraded before a grandstand and over 24,000 camels took part in the contest.
8) It tells me that the search was non-stop/continuous.
Wrong answer: Difficult
9) This is because the camel could survive long periods of between 5 days to many weeks without water.
9) This is because the camel could survive long periods of between 5 days to many weeks without water.
10) Man and camels exulted as one because Man rode on camels to carry out raids on other tribes and helped one another emerge victorious from such raids. Furthermore, Man rode camels across the harsh terrain of the desert and survived together.
The key is understanding why humans and the camel rejoiced as ONE or together.
What does "exulted" mean?
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/exulted
11)
12)
12)
13) Vocabulary
1. Traditional = customary
2.
Spontaneous = unplanned/spur-of-the-moment
3. Belies =
camouflages/disguises the truth/fails to give a true impression of
4. Embody =
symbolize
5. Communal
= share by everyone/public
14.
Summarize the life of the Bedouins, their relationship with their animals and
the usefulness of the animals
S/no
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In your own words and trimmed
The Bedouins’ nomadic lifestyle originated in
the Saudi Arabian desert.
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life of the Bedouins,
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1
17
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Rough desert
conditions and years of drought eventually led the Bedouins to move North
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Rough conditions and
drought led the Bedouins to move North
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2
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The Bedouin tribes
settled along the Sinai peninsula, east of the Jordan river, and later in the
fertile land of Israel.
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and they settled
along the Sinai peninsula and later in Israel.
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3
16
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…lived in complete
isolation from all forms of organized rule, as they viewed themselves as free
people not to be controlled, and they resisted any power that attempted to
block the freedom and independent of the people under their control.
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….living in complete
isolation from organized rule, they viewed themselves as free people not to
be controlled, and they resisted any power that attempted to block the
freedom and independence.
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4
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They closely observe
the same social and tribal behaviors practiced by their forefathers.
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They closely observe
the same social and tribal behaviors practiced by their forefathers.
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5
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Some tribes live in
a splendor-filled environment
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Some tribes live in
a splendor-filled environment
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6
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The tent culture was
one of the most important components of ancient Bedouin society
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The tent culture is
an important component of Bedouin society
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7
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Providing the needs
of the residents, the tent serves as a type of social center where important family discussions can take place, adults educate their children and guests
of the family stay.
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Tents meet
residential needs, serve as a social center for family discussions, education
and where guests stay.
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their relationship with their animals
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8
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When one of the kids
had trouble getting out of a dried upriver channel, Ali lifted it out with
his hands and kissed it
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Bedouin love their
animals and care for them like family members
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9
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Sheep are kept in
the middle of the tent as they are viewed as an inseparable part of the family
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Sheep are kept in
the tent as they are viewed as an inseparable part of the family
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10
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Sheep are also in
need of protection from the biting chill of the desert nights.
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as they need
protection from the night chill.
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11
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The sheep raised are
an existential element in their lives.
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Sheep are an
existential element in their lives.
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usefulness of the animals
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12
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The goats and sheep
provide the primary source of income and food
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The goats and sheep
provide the primary source of income and food
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13
14
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Goat hair is used to
prepare the tent, storage containers and closing and the sheep meat is
enjoyed at family events.
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Goat hair is used to
make tents, storage containers and clothing and the sheep meat is eaten.
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15
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The size of the herd
indicates the economic standing of the Bedouin
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The size of the herd
indicates the family’s wealth
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| 16 | The tent is made from the woven cloth produced from goat hair. Goat hair contains natural oils, which provide elasticity to the threads | The tent's woven cloth is made from goat hair that is naturally elastic. |
| 17 | Once they are dried in the summer heat, the threads shrink and spaces form between them, giving tents ventilation. In the wintertime, the fibers swell after rainfall and the spaces close again so that the tent is completely sealed. | The goat hairs naturally shrink and swell to ventilate the tents. |
The Bedouins’ nomadic lifestyle originated in
the Saudi Arabian desert…
and rough conditions and drought led forced
them to move North and settle in the Sinai peninsula and later Israel. They
lived in absolute isolation from organized rule and resisted any attempts to
block their independence. They closely observed their forefather’s social and
tribal behaviors and some tribes lived in beautiful desert environments. Tent
culture is central to Bedouin society, meeting residential needs, serving as
social centers for family discussions, children’s education and for guests to
stay. Sheep are an existential element in Bedouin lives and the size of the
herd indicates a family’s wealth. The Bedouin love their animals like family,
and are inseparable from them. Sheep are protected from the night chill by sleeping
them in tents. Goats and sheep are the key income and food sources for the
Bedouin. Goat hair is used to make tents, storage containers and clothing and
the sheep meat is often eaten.
150 words
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